Newsgorilla

Monday, November 03, 2003


2004 CALENDARS ARE IN. See for
the BONG beauties. Note, too, the subtle change in product number since
BB632. We rejiggered the graphics to make them less vulnerable to the
post-press minions trimming the pages with Weed-Whackers.
The store continues to offer coffee mugs, mousepads, lunchboxes and
other priceless artifacts as well. See
.

IT PAYS NOT TO ADVERTISE. The British retailer French Connection has
agreed with major retailers such as Federated Department Stores not to
use its French Connection United Kingdom initial logo in advertising and
store displays because it is offensive to some customers. Meanwhile,
F.C.U.K. monogram merchandise covers at least 12 screenfuls on eBay.

NEWS CRAWL. Seen on a Simpsons episode featuring a gag rolling news
ticker at the bottom of the screen:
"Pointless news crawls up 37 per cent... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find
out at foxnews.com... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific dancer... Dow down 5,000
points... Study: 92 per cent of Democrats are gay... JFK posthumously
joins Republican Party... Oil slicks found to keep seals young,
supple..." Simpsons executive tells the Guardian that its sister
division Fox News threatens to sue them; Fox News exec says they don’t
know anything about it.

YO, DAVE, HARBINGER OF THE FUTURE TO COME. Dave Lieber, Fort Worth
Star-Telegram columnist, tired of readers using his work as fishwrap. So
he offers an edition on smaller pages. The Dog of My Nightmares: Stories
by Texas Columnist Dave Lieber, is $13 for 288 pages, each barely large
enough to cloak a couple of smelt. You can order through the web site,
http://www.yankeecowboy.com. Or send a check to Yankee Cowboy
Publishing, P.O. Box 123, Keller, TX 76244-0123. Lieber, ever the
optimist (you gotta be to live in a state whose heroes died defending a
mission that the church abandoned decades before) asks that buyers
include any special autographing instructions.

QUICK, JOIN US BEFORE WE FADE AWAY COMPLETELY. Doug Bevins of the
(Meriden, Conn.) Record-Journal dbevins@record-journal.com recorded and
journalized this help-wanted ads in E&P:
Sept. 15: "The Spokesman-Review in Spokane, Wash., the third-largest
newspaper in the state, is seeking an energetic, creative COPY EDITOR
INTERN for its night news desk. ..."
Sept. 29: The Spokesman-Review in Spokane, Wash., the fourth-largest
newspaper in the state, is seeking energetic, creative copy editors for
its night news desk. ..."

WELL, SINCE THE FIRES THE U.S.A. IS DOWN TO 49.5 STATES, SO THE REST OF
US MIGHT AS WELL CHIP IN AND HELP KOLLYFORNIA.
John Spragens
jspragens@igc.org offers this headline to any rim rat who can get away
with five lines on a 1-column head:
Governator
gropes for
solutions
to state's
problems

BE A NEWSROOM COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN, OR BE A NEWSROOM STAIN. It's your
choice. Here are the, you should pardon the hackneyed expression,
paradigms:
-- As part of their act, newsroom committee chairmen are always
walking fast and looking worried. But newsroom stains are always there
when important visitors come around.
-- Nobody snickers in the face of the newsroom committee chairman.
Nobody snickers behind the back of a newsroom stain.
-- Rookies never look at newsroom committee chairmen and ask
"What's the story behind that one?" even if there is a story. Rookies
do ask about stains even if there isn't. For this reason, stains'
legends grow.
-- Newsroom committee chairmen are only notable when they're
in the chair. Hmm. So are stains. Well, OK, this one's a wash.
-- Newsroom committee chairmen's pictures can easily be taken off
the wall, their fame and rank subject to whim. Stains require
repainting.
-- Newsroom committee chairmen have to stand in line for staff
cars. Stains are already in them.
-- Nobody complains when a newsroom stain wastes space and doesn't
solve any problems. Newsroom committee chairmen have to post the
minutes.
-- Newsroom committee chairmen must live up to their mothers'
inflated images of them. Newsroom stains don't.
-- If somebody wants to remove a newsroom committee chairman, it's
much messier than removing a stain.
-- Newsroom stains don't have to update their resumes against the day
they are discovered.


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