The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical
For April 3, 2003. Not to worry, war correspondents! For his big mouth, Daniel Schorr found work at National Public Radio; Geraldo Rivera, for your big mouth National Public Radio is sure you'll find a nice job somewhere, says the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 619!
GIFTS FOR THE BOSS. The News Gorilla store has added nifty dribble bibs and companion cups emblazoned with Charles Stough's famous painting "The Editor." Visit the News Gorilla store here or at
SPEAKING OF CAREERS. At age 20 in the news business, success is the city editor takes your call; at age 25, success is the 5-alarm fire story; at age 30, success is the City Hall whistleblower and grand jury story; at age 35, success is your interview with your mother and back-fence neighbor in your own column; at age 40, success is the city editor takes your call.
SOMEBODY THOUGHT THOSE TWO GUYS IN THE BACK AND THE ONE ON THE LEFT LOOKED A LITTLE TOO MUCH LIKE JERRY GARCIA. The L.A. Times (well, SOMEBODY has to be serious in Los Angeles!) published this correction:
"On Monday, March 31, the Los Angeles Times published a front-page photograph that had been altered in violation of Times policy.
"The primary subject of the photo was a British soldier directing Iraqi civilians to take cover from Iraqi fire on the outskirts of Basra. After publication, it was noticed that several civilians in the background appear twice. The photographer, Brian Walski, reached by telephone in southern Iraq, acknowledged that he had used his computer to combine elements of two photographs, taken moments apart, in order to improve the composition.
"Times policy forbids altering the content of news photographs. Because of the violation, Walski, a Times photographer since 1998, has been dismissed from the staff."
See the photos
COMIX SECTION. The Further Adventures of Herman "Speed" Graphic, ace photographer for the Chagrin Falls commercial Scimitar, and His Faithful Companion Typo the Wonder Pig.
PANEL ONE: Speed and Typo scan the newsroom bulletin board. Speed remarks, "Gosh, Typo, what's that one up there with the dagger stuck through it?"
PANEL TWO: Typo murmurs, "Oh, Absentee Publisher Gimlet Peen's just doubling the reward on turning in whoever did those pictures on the copying machine! Don't worry, Boss, no one will ever tell on Features Editor Hyperba Lee!"
PANEL THREE: Speed reads, "Look, Typo! A job posting!"
PANEL FOUR: Speed continues: "'...Nightside street reporter who can edit science page during the day, coach company coed curling team, drive 18-wheeler, speak Urdu, draw three daily comic strips, ask assistant managing editor to dance, make flawless souffle for right-wing weenies on picket line, neck 15, sleeve 33. We already have a strong candidate in mind.' Gee, Typo, did you apply?"
PANEL FIVE: Speed remonstrates, "Who, me? No, Boss! That's not my sleeve size. Besides, I'm as glad as anyone that the hiring freeze is off, but those San Francisco Examiner hands all got there ahead of me!"
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BONG Bull is the product of Chief Copyboy Charley Stough, a copy editor at the San Antonio Express News. Email mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org for any reason. Phone (210) 250-3191 after 6 p.m. central time.